We are here.
Peace and Quiet
After an amazingly good ~6.5 hour drive we are here. Thankfully we only had 4-5 rounds of everyone’s favorite “when will we be at the beach?” game. After we arrived and got the perishables in the fridge, we hit the beach, swam in the pool, warmed up in the hot tub and had a yummy grilled dinner. Here’s to six more days of the same.
Bean’s first year of preschool is done. The school she goes to operates on a regular September-June calendar, so she is having a summer vacation just like the big kids. She is having a bit of a hard time with the transition, and seems none too happy about no school until the fall. Not a terribly hard time, just her usual MO – potty related accidents, waking a bunch of times in the night, etc. I feel for her, looking at things through her eyes makes me realize how much of ‘how things work’ adults just know. We are on the first full week of no school and she is getting better. As of the first of July we settle into a schedule of me working from home on Monday (WOOT!), then two days with her sitter, then a day with daddy, then Fridays with the sitter. I know the routine and rhythm will help settle her – she does really well with hectic schedules as long as they are just that, scheduled/predictable. And well, me too. I never realized how much I like to have a routine before she came along.
It is my third mother’s day, and I still get all weepy. I am just so happy to be a mom it is overwhelming at times. I feel as if I have grown on a personal level so much since Bean came home. It sounds hokey, but I am stronger and more at peace with things. Not that there are not those ‘what now?!?’ moments, but my confidence has soared, not only with regards to parenting, but with every aspect of my life. I have more patience with everything and everyone, not just my child and husband. I understand what mothers mean when they say that their child makes them a better person. I am living it every day, and am more grateful than I have ever been – all because of my Bean.
Wednesday was ‘Mother’s Day Tea’ at preschool. It was a wonderful morning. There were corsages, photo ops, being served tea (without a drop spilled by any of the little ones!), sandwiches (on bright pink and blue bread!!) and muffins and cookies made by all the children. Then we were treated to performances, and the party ended with some dancing. I could not have planned a more perfect party if I tried.
Each year since Bean came home we have planted something for her Chinese family. This morning we went to Home Depot and picked out a lovely ground cover that we will plant this afternoon. I do not know if she will have questions, she did not last year, so we will have to see.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms.
I think we are on the upswing. It has been a long couple of weeks. Bean’s beloved caregiver is back from her illness (Whew!) and the tears at drop off in the AM are gone. I think she has a better relationship with the other caregiver after these past couple of weeks, and that is good. We are all relieved to have her favorite back, but it does not address the issue around her not tolerating anyone else. And that exactly is what she does – it is like a zero tolerance policy against this caregiver. The woman tried everything she could to comfort Bean, but she would have NO part of it. I saw it through my own tear filled eyes. Earlier this week, at a non-teary drop off, Bean was joking with her about how she ‘almost beat us in, but not quite!’. That is leaps above the mumbled ‘Morning Miss ______’ that she used to get.
The bedtime drama continues. I am pretty sure it is the standard 3 year old not wanting to go to bed routine. H and I both know what we have to do in order to get through this, but neither of us particularly wants to. Except at 3 AM when we have been up for 45 minutes, and are on the second or third go-round of the night. We dabbled with the technique last night, and it worked like a charm. Of course, now that we started it, we have to follow through. I will be at the barn for bedtime tonight – I hope Daddy is successful. We are going to my brothers for Easter, and I am betting that if she wakes up her 1.5 year old cousin repeatedly with her antics we will not be invited back for a long time.
It is nearly 50 degrees here today – rainy – but the air smells like spring. Are we there yet?
Let’s see – we have:
What is the story? She is clearly stressed. I know one of our jobs as parents is to provide her with the tools she needs to get through this kind of stuff. But it just hurts me to see her experiencing this. We have been through a lot recently, just off the top of my head:
I know all these things all at once must be overwhelming. Especially for a 3 year old. I know we will get through it, and am happy to say that her sense of humor is intact. She was telling me how she did not sleep well last night (Really? I hadn’t noticed. Ugh.) and she said that the bedtime routine was ‘disastrous last night Mommy’. Tee-Hee-Hee.
H and I are doing our best to remain calm, to let her express her emotions. When the time is right, we talk about what is going on. But it is still so heartbreaking.
On a completely unrelated note – there is a recent post on the big China adoption blog that talks about projections. In the intro the author talks about how things are measured using standard units. She talks about ‘hands’ being not a good unit, because it could mean anything, and how they standardized the ‘foot’. I really want to post and tell her that 1 hand = 4 inches. Horses are measured in hands. But I won’t register just to be nit-picky like that. It does bug me though. The fact that this little inconsistency is bothering me so makes me think that I might be stressing as well.
Why yes, I did. And I managed to get two documents re-written to reflect some upgrades we made here in the lab. Bean was great. I was pleasantly suprised, and think that I could get used to working from home more. I admit that I kind of envisioned me up at midnight, clicking away on my laptop, getting done what I had promised I would. It worked out really well, in the end. And it will be helpful if I need to do it again sometime in the future. Er, when I need to do it again. With the Bean on a regular school schedule, we are going to have to get creative about the summer months. Wouldn’t it just be a bummer if I had to work from home a day or two a week? I mean, all her good behavior while I was working was rewarded by a nice walk outside in the afternoon. It would just be awful if I had to take an hour or two out of my summer days to spend with the daughter. Just awful.
Bean and I survived the week without Dad. All in all, it was not terrible. We had lots of daughter/mom fun. I managed to keep the house together, the cats fed and taken care of. The horse was neglected a bit, I did not get up to see him or ride all week. I went up last night and groomed him. I could have made another small version of him from all the hair that came off. Shedding horses = days getting longer = spring is coming. On the down side, it also = itchy eyes/noses and white hairs all over my car seat.
Whenever we have a solo week it renews my respect for single parents. I enjoy all the 1:1 time with her. She is at a super fun age where most of her play is driven by her imagination. She has a role for me to fill and she happily (read – bossily) directs me around. It is not exhausting, and I could not figure out why I was so tired at the end of the day. I think it all boils down to the fact that when you are parenting alone you have to be ready all the time. There is no 30-45 minute reprieve while the other parent gives a bath, or takes her downstairs for some tricycle time. That would be the hardest thing for me to get used to, if I was ever in that position. Well, that and re-figuring winter barn time to include her. The three times per week I get to spend 1-2 hours with the horse is definitely my patience recharger.
I had a good time though, and I think she did too. There was some toenail painting, brownie making, shopping, and lots and lots of playing. I even managed to get the laundry done.
The holidays were quite lovely. The three of us were together just about 24/7 for 10 days and nobody seemed to get irritated with anyone else. This is a major feat. Although I was glad to get back to the nice quiet lab. 3 year old girls talk a lot.
My brother-in-law got married on New Years eve, and Bean was the flower girl. I admit I was expecting a freeze moment as soon as she saw all the guests looking at her walking in. I am quite happy to say that she did not! The whole thing was performed exactly as we rehearsed, with the exception of forgetting the SLOW walk when she caught sight of Daddy. The ceremony and reception were in a big event center type place, and there was a good length bridge over a koi pond she needed to cross. Long but not wide with a big fine if anyone fell in. And this was after she had to come down a carpeted staircase in her ‘wedding shoes’. I am so proud of her for staying on target and getting the job done. She was absolutely fascinated by the string quartet that played during the ceremony (as I wince at the stereotype, they were all violinists), and did some major dancing. She managed to stay up until 1130, much to everyones surprise. She has not been up that late since the day we met her in China. (We had a flight snafu and our arrival in Nanchang was delayed until 1030 PM, we did not get to meet our girls until nearly midnight.)
And the first words out of her mouth when she woke up the next morning?
“That was fun Mom, lets do it again tonight”
