We saw this precious little face for the first time
Baby Girl
She still makes this faceAnd this face too
While sitting on the potty last night before bed, Bean says to me
“Sometimes I wonder about my birthparents”
She is just parroting a line from one of her books (not one I have a heck of a lot of love for, but was a gift to her) but I realize that the time is coming where all those questions will come into our conversations. I replied with ”You do have a Mom and Dad in China, what do you think they are doing right now?” She looked up out the skylight and commented on the bird poop that is up there and has been bothering her for some time. That was the end of the first discussion about her Chinese parents.
The good news is that I can talk about this topic without tears, something I really had to work for. I do need to get her some better books on the subject. This one is a bit ridiculous, and the entire story is written in the little girls voice, but from the APs perspective. That bugs me.
It is my third mother’s day, and I still get all weepy. I am just so happy to be a mom it is overwhelming at times. I feel as if I have grown on a personal level so much since Bean came home. It sounds hokey, but I am stronger and more at peace with things. Not that there are not those ‘what now?!?’ moments, but my confidence has soared, not only with regards to parenting, but with every aspect of my life. I have more patience with everything and everyone, not just my child and husband. I understand what mothers mean when they say that their child makes them a better person. I am living it every day, and am more grateful than I have ever been – all because of my Bean.
Wednesday was ‘Mother’s Day Tea’ at preschool. It was a wonderful morning. There were corsages, photo ops, being served tea (without a drop spilled by any of the little ones!), sandwiches (on bright pink and blue bread!!) and muffins and cookies made by all the children. Then we were treated to performances, and the party ended with some dancing. I could not have planned a more perfect party if I tried.
Each year since Bean came home we have planted something for her Chinese family. This morning we went to Home Depot and picked out a lovely ground cover that we will plant this afternoon. I do not know if she will have questions, she did not last year, so we will have to see.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms.
As of today, we have been logged in at CCAA for 1 year.
Bean has taken to calling one of her babies her ‘little sister’. It is pretty cute. She shares drinks and her blanket with her. Of course she also holds her by her head and flings her around by her appendages, but cute still.
We taught her mei-mei and jie-jie. Sometimes she calls the doll mei-mei. It gets a little confusing, because she also calls edamame ‘may-may’. Several time recently we have had to ask her ‘doll or snack?’ when she runs around looking for mei-mei/may-may.
Our agency has a pilot program with a small (compared to China) country for IA. Last week we were approached regarding some SN children. We researched, asked questions, spoke with medical professionals, and talked it out. In the end, considering our family and lifestyle, we had to say no. From where I sit right now, this has been the hardest part of our entire adoption experience. Seeing those little faces, knowing what they look like, it is haunting. I know that the right family will be found for those little girls, and that our agency will match them up with the right home.
My head is confident in our decision, but my heart, oh it aches.
Am I a ‘Momma Bear’? I have seen this term tossed around quite a bit, and am kind of puzzled as to what it means. We do not get a lot of questions from strangers regarding our family. I can probably count on one hand the number of times it has happened in the ~2.5 years we have been home. I am not including the ‘She’s so cute’ comments that I politely acknowledge and keep moving. The few times we have been approached, I always gave they inquisitors the benefit of the doubt, and responded to them politely, with respect for my daughters privacy (especially now that she is older, and shy). I admit that I have a habit of not making eye contact with strangers when I am out and about – head held high, shoulders square, no direct interaction with anyone, unless it is required for some sort of transaction. I blame it on the Jersey chick in me. ‘Leave me the F**k alone’ attitude. But if someone just does not get my ’stay out of our business’ vibe, I will not bite their head off, which is what I think a Momma Bear would do. No matter how poorly worded or rude the question might be. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, at least until proven otherwise.
We were at a birthday party for one of Bean’s classmates this weekend. One of the other moms approached me and was clearly interested in her story. Her intro to the conversation was “She’s so cute, is she from China?” and ran right into “Have you read ‘The Lost Daughters of China’? it is an eye opening book!” I saw right where this was going, and promptly turned the conversation back to chit-chat about the school and her girls. I felt I handled it well; Bean was nearby, I am sure she overheard what we were saying. Since we rarely get put in this position, I do not have a lot of experience with graceful exits. At the time it felt awkward. I think she was coming from a friendly place, and suspect that at some point she and her husband had considered IA.
I do wonder what gave her permission to start such a personal conversation. Is it because I was being all friendly, making eye contact and what not? Is she just that kind of person? I kind of think it was the former. With maybe a smidge of the latter.
I should have taken (more) seriously the advice from the BTDT APs with regards to being able to read aloud books like “I love you like crazy cakes” without crying.
I make it to where the mother in the book cries for the baby’s Chinese mother, then I fall apart. Every.Single.Time
It is not terrible that I feel that way, and if she asks about it I tell her honestly why I am crying. It has more to do with me not wanting her to avoid those books because she a) does not want me to cry, or b) is not in the mood for the ‘heavy’ chats.
I do love that story though. Sappy emotions and all.
In the car this AM, on the way to school:
“When my Sister comes home, I am going to teach her how to sled. We will have to make sure we have some snow then, OK Mama?”
A few minutes of quiet goes by.
“When my Sister comes home I am going to teach her how to do a forward roll. It is very important for her to remember to tuck her chin. Can babies tuck their chins Mama?”
She also made a little book for Sister the other day. It actually kind of tells a story. The first page is just Bean, then the next page is just Sister. The third page is the two of them together. The last page I think started as a drawing of the four of us, but morphed into a bunch of letters. I love how she draws people at this stage. A big head then two long stick legs. The eyes are usually two dots close together, then the mouth is really big. Sometimes they get feet, sometimes not. In her book, she had feet, but sister did not. I asked her about that, and she said that babies don’t need feet until they learn how to walk.
We decided not to worry about addressing the fact that sister might NOT be a little tiny baby when she gets home yet. We certainly have plenty of time to work that out.
All kinds of chatter around the Internets about the CCAA taking down their update box. We are still so far away from referral that I did not pay all that much attention to it. One of the families in our local FCC group has a 01/06 LID, and seeing how close they are getting to referral was about the only reason I had any interest.
Our agency sends out monthly updates, and I am so grateful for their consistent, open lines of communication. In the end all that matters is what they say, and I feel lucky to be able to trust them, and not have to worry if they are feeding us a line or not.
The air of entitlement that so many PAPs have still shocks me. I wonder if it will ever stop getting to me. China’s babies + China’s IA program = China gets to do whatever they please. If you don’t like it, then leave the program. That sounds harsh, but honestly people. I have posted before about how I feel in regards to PAPs that are so angry with their future child’s country before they come home. To sum up, it sucks.
The holidays were quite lovely. The three of us were together just about 24/7 for 10 days and nobody seemed to get irritated with anyone else. This is a major feat. Although I was glad to get back to the nice quiet lab. 3 year old girls talk a lot.
My brother-in-law got married on New Years eve, and Bean was the flower girl. I admit I was expecting a freeze moment as soon as she saw all the guests looking at her walking in. I am quite happy to say that she did not! The whole thing was performed exactly as we rehearsed, with the exception of forgetting the SLOW walk when she caught sight of Daddy. The ceremony and reception were in a big event center type place, and there was a good length bridge over a koi pond she needed to cross. Long but not wide with a big fine if anyone fell in. And this was after she had to come down a carpeted staircase in her ‘wedding shoes’. I am so proud of her for staying on target and getting the job done. She was absolutely fascinated by the string quartet that played during the ceremony (as I wince at the stereotype, they were all violinists), and did some major dancing. She managed to stay up until 1130, much to everyones surprise. She has not been up that late since the day we met her in China. (We had a flight snafu and our arrival in Nanchang was delayed until 1030 PM, we did not get to meet our girls until nearly midnight.)
And the first words out of her mouth when she woke up the next morning?
“That was fun Mom, lets do it again tonight”
