Archive for March, 2008

The moment

March 29, 2008 at 11:39 am · Filed under Uncategorized

Sometimes I look at Bean and am just taken with her. It is a good reminder for me to live in the moment. No matter if the moment is perfect (like dying her hands the same color as her easter eggs) or slightly less (like the 659,853rd time she has come out of bed)

Her hands were a lovely shade by the time she was done. It came off in the bath that night.

As an added note, this morning, March 29, a full 9 days into ’spring’ it was 19 degrees when I left for the barn. I am officially sick of the weather.

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Saying No

March 27, 2008 at 10:13 am · Filed under Adoption

Our agency has a pilot program with a small (compared to China) country for IA.  Last week we were approached regarding some SN children.  We researched, asked questions, spoke with medical professionals, and talked it out.  In the end, considering our family and lifestyle, we had to say no.  From where I sit right now, this has been the hardest part of our entire adoption experience.  Seeing those little faces, knowing what they look like, it is haunting.  I know that the right family will be found for those little girls, and that our agency will match them up with the right home.

My head is confident in our decision, but my heart, oh it aches.

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Looking Brighter

March 19, 2008 at 3:30 pm · Filed under Bean, Family

I think we are on the upswing.  It has been a long couple of weeks.  Bean’s beloved caregiver is back from her illness (Whew!) and the tears at drop off in the AM are gone.  I think she has a better relationship with the other caregiver after these past couple of weeks, and that is good.  We are all relieved to have her favorite back, but it does not address the issue around her not tolerating anyone else.  And that exactly is what she does – it is like a zero tolerance policy against this caregiver.  The woman tried everything she could to comfort Bean, but she would have NO part of it.  I saw it through my own tear filled eyes.  Earlier this week, at a non-teary drop off, Bean was joking with her about how she ‘almost beat us in, but not quite!’.  That is leaps above the mumbled ‘Morning Miss ______’ that she used to get.

The bedtime drama continues.  I am pretty sure it is the standard 3 year old not wanting to go to bed routine.  H and I both know what we have to do in order to get through this, but neither of us particularly wants to.  Except at 3 AM when we have been up for 45 minutes, and are on the second or third go-round of the night.  We dabbled with the technique last night, and it worked like a charm.  Of course, now that we started it, we have to follow through.  I will be at the barn for bedtime tonight – I hope Daddy is successful.  We are going to my brothers for Easter, and I am betting that if she wakes up her 1.5 year old cousin repeatedly with her antics we will not be invited back for a long time.

It is nearly 50 degrees here today – rainy – but the air smells like spring.  Are we there yet?

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Calgon take us away…

March 11, 2008 at 9:34 am · Filed under Bean, Family

Let’s see – we have:

  • Tears at drop off in the morning
  • Excessively shy reactions to strangers
  • Difficulty making choices, then once made, difficulty following through
  • Bedtime drama, oh the drama

What is the story?  She is clearly stressed.  I know one of our jobs as parents is to provide her with the tools she needs to get through this kind of stuff.  But it just hurts me to see her experiencing this.  We have been through a lot recently, just off the top of my head:

  • Her favorite caregiver at the before care program at school is out sick
  • No power this past weekend.  ‘Camping’ is only fun for so long.  Like 2 hours thank-you-very-much.
  • Napping has been hit or miss
  • The time change is too bloody early

I know all these things all at once must be overwhelming.  Especially for a 3 year old.  I know we will get through it, and am happy to say that her sense of humor is intact.  She was telling me how she did not sleep well last night (Really?  I hadn’t noticed.  Ugh.) and she said that the bedtime routine was ‘disastrous last night Mommy’.  Tee-Hee-Hee.

H and I are doing our best to remain calm, to let her express her emotions.  When the time is right, we talk about what is going on.  But it is still so heartbreaking.

On a completely unrelated note – there is a recent post on the big China adoption blog that talks about projections.  In the intro the author talks about how things are measured using standard units.  She talks about ‘hands’ being not a good unit, because it could mean anything, and how they standardized the ‘foot’.  I really want to post and tell her that 1 hand = 4 inches.  Horses are measured in hands.  But I won’t register just to be nit-picky like that.  It does bug me though.  The fact that this little inconsistency is bothering me so makes me think that I might be stressing as well.

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That’s not really any of your business. How ’bout them Mets?

March 4, 2008 at 4:34 pm · Filed under Adoption, Bean

Am I a ‘Momma Bear’?  I have seen this term tossed around quite a bit, and am kind of puzzled as to what it means.  We do not get a lot of questions from strangers regarding our family.  I can probably count on one hand the number of times it has happened in the ~2.5 years we have been home.  I am not including the ‘She’s so cute’ comments that I politely acknowledge and keep moving.  The few times we have been approached, I always gave they inquisitors the benefit of the doubt, and responded to them politely, with respect for my daughters privacy (especially now that she is older, and shy).  I admit that I have a habit of not making eye contact with strangers when I am out and about – head held high, shoulders square, no direct interaction with anyone, unless it is required for some sort of transaction.  I blame it on the Jersey chick in me.  ‘Leave me the F**k alone’ attitude.  But if someone just does not get my ’stay out of our business’ vibe, I will not bite their head off, which is what I think a Momma Bear would do.  No matter how poorly worded or rude the question might be.  I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, at least until proven otherwise.

We were at a birthday party for one of Bean’s classmates this weekend.  One of the other moms approached me and was clearly interested in her story.  Her intro to the conversation was “She’s so cute, is she from China?” and ran right into “Have you read ‘The Lost Daughters of China’? it is an eye opening book!”  I saw right where this was going, and promptly turned the conversation back to chit-chat about the school and her girls.  I felt I handled it well; Bean was nearby, I am sure she overheard what we were saying.  Since we rarely get put in this position, I do not have a lot of experience with graceful exits.  At the time it felt awkward.  I think she was coming from a friendly place, and suspect that at some point she and her husband had considered IA. 

I do wonder what gave her permission to start such a personal conversation.  Is it because I was being all friendly, making eye contact and what not?  Is she just that kind of person?  I kind of think it was the former.  With maybe a smidge of the latter.

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