I feel for the adoptive parents who are waiting much longer than anticipated for their children. I really do. In 2005, we were among the first families who experienced a ’split month’ of referrals. As in, our LID was in the latter half of a month, and the first part received their referral one month, and the second the following month. Was I disappointed? Yes, terribly so. The previous lengthening of wait times was during SARS – nothing like that was going on at the time, and I felt blindsided. Yet, I never, ever blamed our agency, or was angry/irritated with the CCAA. It was what it was, and I dealt with it.
We decided to wait one full year after Bean came home to start the process again. The process takes up a lot of time and energy, and we felt that Bean deserved at least one year of our undivided attention before we dove back into the paperchase. I had been keeping an eye on wait times, and I was aware that doing this would most likely increase our wait time by years. And that was, and still is OK. We still qualify under the new requirements, we were not under the pressure of the May 1 deadline. We are LID 4/07.
And the wait will be what it will be. Yes, we had hoped that our daughters would be closer in age. But they will not, and that is just how it will be. My only issue with the whole thing is that Bean must have overheard me talking to someone about sister (we had planned to keep it on the down low - too long a time frame for a 3 year old). She knows and every now and then talks about her. She will pick up her cell phone to call her in China. Usually the conversation revolves around inviting her for a picnic, or to go and play in the loft. Sometimes though, she says that sister is sick, and we need to go to China and give her medicine (metmin). And well, that about breaks my heart.
Back to my original thought, I get peeved at the people who are angry with China because of the increased wait time. I can acknowledge, and even empathize with the disappointment and frustration, but it is how some individuals choose to deal with these emotions that bothers me. The sense of entitlement that comes across in their blogs, yahoo group emails, forum posts, and conversations. No one has a crystal ball that could foresee what would happen, and no one should pass judgement on what China chooses to do with their children.
This anger with the process, and all involved, it causes me to worry for their future child(ren). Not that the children will read to blogs, or necessarily hear the whole story, but they will surely pick up on the emotions and demeanor of their parents, that is what kids do. If and when they learn that their parents harbored such ill feelings towards the people and government of their birth country, what is that going to do to their future relationship with China? Do I agree and love and adore everything about China? No, I do not. But I read what I can, and have a deep respect it for its history and where it is today. While my daughters are young, they will be guided to learn as much about China and culture as is possible and age appropriate. As they grow up, they will be encouraged and supported to continue as they wish, allowing them to come to their own conclusions. No matter what relationship they develop with their birth country, as their mother I will support them. To me this is an incredibly important aspect of parenting an internationally adopted child. If the experience starts off tainted, it will be impossible to proceed in an objective way.
